In a few hours, the otherwise “too big for one soul” house will be bustling. Maybe I’ll not have time to gather my thoughts. Maybe I should write now.
I’ve promised myself that I’ll write a letter to my older self every year. I must feel braver. I must know that I tried. And thus, I must try.
I remember this time last year, I was in Bombay. Quite miserable but with promises and hopes. I think I’ve done good post that day. The heart ache was worse. I was nowhere and it was scary as hell.
Productivity is perhaps the only thing that can fight the negativity inside me. It tells the rotting part of me that I’ve tried. I’ve endeavoured. I’ve done something in my life.
I set out with a list of places visited/photos taken/movies watched/ books read. It’s quite long now. I just wish I read more.
So after turning 23, I did manage to drag my friends to go camping, take horrible star trails; go on those oh-so-lovely photowalks, mustered the courage to talk to a new girl; join a new job I hated but did not run away from till I was certain. Travelled to murud janjira, Sikkim, Shillong, in and around assam. Going to gokarna hopefully.
This year I’ve been focusing on letting go and moving on. I think the boy I was with helped me with that. Slept with a guy, invited a girl over. Things I wouldn’t have done earlier. Learn that letting go is the only option at times.
I found Pune. I don’t know what I’d do otherwise. All in all, all of this happened with the help from my friends and because of the poeple who care for me. I think I’m more grateful now. I understand who matters. It’s been a long eventful year.
I’d like to leave behind loneliness and procrastination. And I know that indulging in my own self and planning more activities are the only ways. Of truly being comfortable being alone.
I’ve spent the last two birthdays with the family. The little things irritate the hell out of you and you seek to be left alone. I think I’ll not regret it in the years to come.
I know for a fact that when I turn 25, and I’m still here in Pune, life would’ve become a little stagnant/stable. I might feel as if Ive not done enough. I hope I do. Professionally. And set personal goals that I work towards.
I love the freshness of November mornings. And there are a lot of wonders I need to go out and see.