Dreams and lovers from yesterday

Im 23. There have been two significant relationships in my life. The first love- the boy. And then the whirlwind- the girl. 

I broke up with the boy three years ago. I’ve attained full closure and it wouldn’t hurt me if he were to get married tomorrow. The girl told me she’d stopped loving me this time last year. I’d still run back to her if but she asked me once. 

I dream a lot. With respect to the boy, he’s been the only boy I’ve loved with all my heart and been in bed with. So, in all my sexual dreams, he’s the guy. I dream about him often and it leaves me unaffected. I know that in my formative years this was the physical shape that a lover took. And that’s what the brain still understands as the comfort and go to. We never end up starting the ‘act’ though. The dream always ends before it. 

I rarely dream of the girl. I’ve been a little upset after watching a film about unrequited love. It’s left a can open. However strong I aim to be, I know I’d cry like a baby in her arms only if she took me back. Sex with her was beautiful. 

So I dreamed about the both of them, just before waking up today. And I perfectly understand the logical explanation for it. I was upset after a movie and another friend forced open a can of worms about the ex-boy. 

What forms a lump in my throat is how she held me in the dream. She held me gently and I quickly embraced her. She could sense my urgency. She held on tighter. I had never felt more secure..

..till the dream lasted.

 

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